My Wedding Day

By:Gloria Dianne
When my matron of honor
Entered my room
I was at the end of my rope,
Feeling nothing but doom.
She said I looked nice,
I snapped back appalled
"I don't look like a bride,
I look like a Barbie doll!
My make up's too shinny,
My dress is too tight.
My hair is too frizzy,
Why I look a fright!"

She said I was just nervous
I shouldn't act that way.
Well then, how does one act
On her wedding day?
Can I light up a smoke,
Can I pour me a drink?
I'd rather go bowling,
This wedding stuff stinks!

In lieu of a 'Limo'
We borrowed uncle's car.
A new big black something,
Shined as bright as a star.
When the time came to leave,
My panic grew worse.
I never noticed how much
It resembled a hearse!
Could this be an omen
Or a sign from above?
With the way that I'm feeling,
This can't be love!

At the church Dad held my hand
And whispered in my ear,
"It's not too late,
Do you want to go home dear?"
His offer was tempting,
His intentions were pure.
"Dad, we couldn't do that,
Mom would kill us for sure!"

Meanwhile, my Mom in law to be
Arrived a little tardy.
And was passing out smellings salts
To the entire wedding party!
I asked her 'what's going on?'
"The groom is looking peaked,
And I'm sure he will pass out."
Great! That's all I needed.
At the alter I met my groom,
He sure was looking pale.
Why do I feel I'm being sentenced
To a life time term in jail.

A coffee 'n' cake reception,
Then we started on our trip,
Off to romantic Niagara Falls,
Back then the place was hip!"
After several hours,
It was finely time to rest.
But lacking reservations,
We had no place to nest!
Finely a vacancy,
But hubby was too cheap.
So we traveled onward.
All I want is sleep!

Then we came upon a dive
At four dollars per night!
It was just awful,
But to him it was just right!
I no sooner fell asleep,
When I woke up on the floor.
"Honey, you pushed me out!
What'd you do that for?
He said that he had a dream
That I fell out of bed,
He claimed he was trying to catch me,
But he pushed me out instead!
"You expect me to believe that?
Me, your brand new wife?
By the way, just how much
Insurance is on my life?

When he found out that meals
Were not included with the room,
He said: "That's it, pack your bags,
We are going home!
13 years with Mr. Tight wad,
I couldn't take much more.
Dad and I should have
Just high tailed it out the door!